Soccer: Northern Spirit v Marconi Stallions

The Spirit, well out of the top six at the moment, have taken desperate measures to stop their slide down the ladder. They have signed top Italian player Nicola Berti, who played in the 1994 World Cup final. Sounds good? Wait, there's a catch - Berti is 32 years old, hasn't played for three months and he can only play for 14 games anyway. Oh, well, at least he will provide a drawcard for the fans who have had to face continual disappointment with their club this year.

Where is your sense of humor?

The authorities have very little sense of humour when it comes to over-staying the three-month limit (especially if you're non European Union). The going fine is 600,000 dr, about US$1000! I got out by promising never to come back. Nothing was entered in my passport.